Money is a difficult subject. How we spend it often is a point of tension.
Some married couples decide it's best to keep finances separate to avoid money spending fights. Others combine finances but give each other allowances to avoid fights. I know many women that hide purchases (paying part of it in cash or stashing it away) so their husbands won't get angry.
But beyond the spending argument...does how much money you make create tension?
That is, if a woman earns more, does it affect the relationship? (Just FYI, about a third of women earn more than their husbands.) Is it expected that a man earns more so no egos are hurt in the relationship?
I got a release about a survey conducted by BettyConfidential.com that said most women breadwinners "are simultaneously proud of themselves and resentful of their husbands."
“Perhaps because of what we’ve witnessed in popular culture – with couples like Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe – I think people suspect that a woman outearning her husband is a catalyst for tension in the marriage,” says BettyConfidential.com editor, Nicole Christie in a release. “Our survey reveals that outearning one’s husband is a blessing – less financial worries, a sense of pride – but also a curse, creating a greater pull of work versus family and a gap between husband and wife that’s difficult to bridge.”
So what do you think?
Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.
I think I would feel the
I think I would feel the exact same way as the women in the study felt. Especially if I really WANTED to be at home with my kids but couldn't because we couldn't sacrifice my pay.
I've noticed regarding money that we argue less about it when we are both being smart and frugal, regardless of the amount we are making (hubby is in comission only and I freelance).
We both feel the best when we are saving and making responsible decisions for our future. We are less content when we splurge.
Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.
In my personal experience,
In my personal experience, it's a lot more about how each spouse sees his/her paycheck. I'm surprised at how often people talk about "my" money instead of "our" money.
I think it's actually harder for couples when one stays home and the other works outside the house. Even if they agree to the arrangement, it seems like there's more stress about spending. Resentment can build up about the smallest things, like the breadwinner getting to eat lunch out several times a week.
We have separate checking accounts, but it's not because we don't share our money. We just decide which debit card to use for which purchases.
Often couples have a 'saver'
Often couples have a 'saver' and a 'spender' --- that is, one who is frugal and likes to watch the purse strings, the other who prefers to buy stuff and does not take as much interest in the 'long view' financially. My husband and I are like that, he's the spender and I'm the saver.
We decided early on that I would handle the finances and he would have a separate account for his 'toys' as he likes to call it. Every paycheck, most of the money goes in the household account and a small percent goes into his account. He can buy whatever he wants with it, and I make sure all the bills get paid.
It's worked pretty well and over the years we've parlayed this joint effort into a healthy college fund for the kids, a nice nest egg for retirement, and a comfortable life for us and the kids that includes a house with a pool. But it wouldn't work unless we both cooperated and avoided the urge to criticize the way the other handles money.
My kids once asked about who 'makes more money,' and my hubby immediately responded: "I make more, but if I ran the checkbook --- we'd be living in a 1 bedroom apartment with a killer home theatre system and a BMW parked out front!"
I currently make more money
I currently make more money than my husband. I do enjoy knowing that I can support myself if needed. We keep joint finances and we both have to agree when making money decisions. We have a strict budget that we try to adhere to at all times.
We set aside a certain amount of $ each week for spending, and that $ is shared by us. I think this works out because, outside of work, we spend all or most of our time together. Neither of us goes shopping for considerable purchases without the other knowing. For example, I would not spend $40 on a toaster without consulting my husband first.
There's probably another aspect to our marriage that is helpful in doing this. We both try to contribute as much as the other person. We try to share things equally. In this respect, I consider our marriage quite equal - I make more $ now, but he is great at investing and budgeting (which means that we are saving mroe and creating a better future for ourselves).
I also expect that if we ever divorced, I would have no problem splitting things 50/50, even though I make more $, becuase it took both of us working and managing our money to get where we are today.
I think open communication and compromise are key. No secrets!
My husband and I lived
My husband and I lived together when we were 18 and married at 20. Once we moved in together we just had both of our paychecks go into one account and that is what we used to pay the bills and for entertainment. I used to make a little more but now he makes more. It has never bothered either one of us. We have always been a team with one goal..pay the bills. We use to save quite a bit but now with infertility dr bills and the amount of money it took to adopt our kids, we will forever be in debt. We try not to let it bother us and just keep working and writing the checks.
This is an EXTREMELY touchy
This is an EXTREMELY touchy subject in our household. First off, I make the majority of the money. Second off, I'm very edgy about the amount of money my husband spends on a weekly average. I do hide how much money we have and when I get low on the budget I tell him the bank is closed until pay day. And before any one crucifies me, let me explain that my husband will hit Circle K EVERY morning to buy cigarettes and a red bull as well as go to lunch EVERY day out. I make coffee and bring my lunch so I feel I'm entitled to say after $50 is spent in a week, you're done since it's now dipping in to my earnings. And my husband has a very active social life, he gets to play golf a couple of times a month, go fishing, have a couple of beers with the guys every once in a while and so on.
I still won't purchase a lot out of our norm. I'm the saver and a total freak about how prices have gone lately so I'm always frugal about spending now.
I do think it's weird that I keep the financials a secret, but an above post said it's for the best, if my husband controlled our finances, we live in a studio apartment with a ton of toys and nothing to eat.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Right now I am the
Right now I am the breadwinner of the family. My husband was having major health issues for the last couple of years and at this point - he is finally feeling well - enough that he talked to a friend of his about getting a part time job in his resturant and got it - will start this Friday :) He won't be making much but at least it is a start for him and he will build from there. He is college educated but he is just not ready for high level positions yet - physically and mentally. I do know that it was very tough on him as a man to depend on me financially. He had his moments. In all we rode it through this testy water. I am proud of him.
What I have learned, thou, in the past two years is to live like a single mother of two small children because we never knew if he was going to make it through a few times. It was hard. I had to re-evaluate everything - budget wise. I had to give up a few luxury things to survive through the sudden spikes of cost of living going through the roof. So far everything is good.
Thank goodness.
H~
Mom of 2 Daughters - Kelly (3 yrs) and Skylar (19 mos old)
zoostationu2@hotmail.com
I would agree that money can
I would agree that money can cause tension in a marriage. We were grateful enough to talk about finances and attend a financial management class prior to marriage as well as pre-marital counseling.
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
As what saying says “For
As what saying says “For the love of money is the root of all evil.” Finances is very critical area in marriage/relationship. I consider myself blessed. I have been married for 7 years now, and we don't have problems, nor hide any purchases from each other, nor had an argument about $$$. We don't have even a discussions. Perhaps, we both know our limits, we monitor our joint accounts; we discuss the better ways of savings especially this time of economic distress. Honesty plays a vital role in our relationship. It's not a question of who earns less or more, but what focus on what we can do for our family-thinking not just for now but for our future. And most of all, we pray!
Nothing beats openess to each other. I hope everyone will have a wonderful day!
Have a beautiful day!
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Before becoming an at home
Before becoming an at home mom I earned quite a bit more than my husband. He is confident and secure in himself and was thrilled to have more money coming into the checkbook! No problems here!
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