Okay, I am sorry for this post as it may upset a few people. But I have an issue. My husbands aunt is dying from cancer, she has been battling with this for almost 7 months now and has been in and out for chemo treatment but it has just got worse. The other day we received a call that both of her kidney's had stopped working and that she was only given 1-2 more days left to live and today happens to be day 2. The family was told that the only thing possible was a miracle, which is true. I personally have not been to visit her but from what I have heard from everyone is that she is in so much pain. My husband paid her a visit 2 night ago and said that he touched her face and didn't realize just how sensitive she was. My heart just hurts that her family is letting her suffer like this, I'm not sure exactly what she is all connected to but all they keep saying is that she just keeps getting higher doses of pain meds.
My thinking and personal opinion is that if I were in this situation and hurting this much, I would rather be at peace than endure so much pain. And the other sad thing is that this aunt has 5 other brothers and sisters and was the glue that brought them all together and yet in a time of need they were not there for her. When she was travelling back and forth for the treatment they never were there for her, and now that she is dying everyone just happens to show up. Why do this when a person can no longer speak, or acknowledge your presence?? Again I'm sorry I needed to get this off my chest.
I'm sorry that your family
I'm sorry that your family is going through. We did this last year with my mother-in-law of 18 years, who died from kidney failure. It was a grueling 3 weeks.
I understand your opinion that if it were you, you wouldn't want to endure so much pain. But, what is the alternative? There really isn't one. She can be made comfortable with increasing pain medication, until she passes away, but no one can hasten it.
People visit when they feel that it's appropriate for them. If it seems to be too little, too late for you? ...or too much right now? It really doesn't matter anymore. As Victor Frankle said, "an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation, is normal behavior". No one should be judged now. The best that you can do is say YOUR goodbyes in whatever way you feel is right for you. Offer the opportunity to your children, if you feelt hat it's right for them. Let your husband decide what's right for him. You can "be there" best for him, by barely saying a word, but instead, offer your physical presence and a reassuring silent hug.
Thanks for the advice, I
Thanks for the advice, I really enjoy reading your comments. And I agree, just be there for the family right now. And as far as my kids are concerned we did take them to visit her when she was getting the treatments, and she no longer looks the way that she used to and would hate for them to see her that way. Like they say remember them for the good times!! Thanks again and I guess it was just my opinion.
I don't think that you are
I don't think that you are wrong at all for thinking this way. It seems as though you care for her but express it in a different way than some other family members. I don't think it is wrong for wanting her to be comfortable and not suffering. I also don't think it is uncommon to look at the situation like this. However, everyone grieves in their own way and some family members may not be thinking clearly due to how upset they are about the situation. I hope your husband's aunt is quickly rescued from her pain regardless of a miracle occurs or she passes on. And please don't feel guilty for thinking as you do.
Is she on hospice care right
Is she on hospice care right now? Hospice of the Valley is the 2nd largest non-profit hospice in the country and they are fantastic!!! They have an incredibly amount of support for the patient and their family! If she is not on services yet, have the family call right away!!! They will be able to manage her pain and her final days will be very comfortable and peaceful.
www.hospiceofthevalley.org
JenM
No unfortunately she is not
No unfortunately she is not on hospice care, she lives 3 hours from the valley so it has been tough. But thanks for the advice.
I belieive that everyone has
I belieive that everyone has thier time and she will go when it is her time. Some peoplehave a hard time letting go and that is okay. In my personal opinion I wouldn't just take her life because that is not fair, like I said just my choice. I hope everything works out for the best and good luck.
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I am so sorry to hear about
I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. I agree with Optimist response. Everyone does the best they can at the times they can. It is always so hard on families - sometimes its a matter of trying to make up for lost time. We can never regain that time back. My prayers are with you and your family
LisaMommy is a discussion leader in Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area for arizonamoms.com. Her two boys are ages 5 months and 3 years old.