Tough One For Me

I agree with you completely that to send a 'donation' to a group whose ideas you find objectionable is not a good way to honor someone.

Instead, it might be nice to send (in addition to a sympathy card) a live plant or fruit basket to the family. That way, they could enjoy it over time, you could show your respects, and no one's belief's are being compromised.

Send a plant! And if you can, get their home address and send it directly there. You have no reason to question how you feel. Go with your gut. If all else fails, forget the whole thing and offer up a prayer for her!!

Paz

I agree with Miriam. I would send a nice card and leave it at that. I don't believe a donation of any kind is necessary.

Susan & Neil Hampton have three spectacular children, Alexander, Isabel and David, plus one amazing teenager, Eric. Susan does community outreach for arizonamoms.com.
“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” - Margaret Atwood

I would agree with all and send a card and plant. I would have a hard time donating to a company I did not agree with.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!

I agree with the plant and card suggestion. I too would not donate money for an organization that I did not believe firmly in.

My only other suggestion is if they are planning a get together after the service, offer a dish or to provide something for that.

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

I think flowers are the biggest waste, they die, at least a plant is useful for a long time, but if they aren't plant people, they might even see that as a waste of money.

Sometimes when religion is involved, people do get offended or else I would say donate some money in their name to something else they believed in but like I said, that may offend them that you don't "like" their religion . . . so not sure what to say. I'm not a believer in donating cash to anything I don't know exactly what the money is being used on, my money is hard to come by and I want it being used for a good cause!

Sorry I wasn't more help!

I think it's a little presumptious for them to be asking for donations for a religious establishment/affiliation considering there's a fine line there and religions are a very debatable topic. What they should have done if they wanted donations for their church was just to set up an account with a local bank like a lot of people do and then when the donations were done being collected they could donate them to the church ... that maybe would have gone over better, becuase you're probably not the only one who isn't going to donate because of the religious affiliation and or religious differences some might have.

I'd say go with a plant .... you can't go wrong there and it's the thought that counts anyway!!

I think that you are not required to support any organization that you don't believe in. My practices in the past have always been to make a donation to a charity or organization that specializes in an area that the decedent was directly affected by. Like a friend's parent died of a stroke, so I donated to the American Heart Association for use in research of strokes, or when my brother in law passed away of leukemia, we make annual donations in his name to the Luekemia and Lymphoma Society. It's a great way to honor someone's memory and most of the agencies allow for online donation and will send a card to the family noting your generous donation on behalf of their loved one. That way, you aren't sending flowers or plants that someone might not want to care for. And you are still honoring the memory of the person that passed. Just my thoughts.

I agree plants last a long time :-) I still have plants from my brothers funeral in January. They remind me of him and give me a sense of life since they are still around. I think a plant or a card would be nice. I don't think it's fair for the family to discourage people from sending flowers in the deceased honor.

Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette

What do you think about making a donation to something associated with her death... hospice, cancer foundation???

If they asked not to have flowers or want a donation in lieu of them, how can they object to a donation you made specifically with their loved one in mind??

If you don't like this idea, I'd just send a card. I agree with everyone that you shouldn't support something you don't want to.

Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.

I agree with everyone else - send a card and a plant.

jesshod is an arizonamoms.com discussion leader living in Surprise.

I'd just send a card. Not sure about the plant though. I think the last thing I'd want is something I need to care for and will always be around as a reminder of my mother's funeral. I like the fruit basket idea though, food is always a comfort.

I totally understand where you are coming from, and I have recently been on the other side of this issue. My mother passed away suddenly this past December, and my father was adamant that he did not want flowers to arrive at the house and he did not want people to bring him food. This made it difficult for some people. We did place a notice in the paper that specified that people could make donations to the local children's hospital where my mother had devoted a great deal of her volunteer time. We received lovely cards that were greatly appreciated and people who knew her also donated funds to places in her name such as to one of the school's she attended. In other words, I am sure the family will just like knowing that you are thinking of them during these trying times. I would not send any items such as plants or flowers due to their request, but you should not feel obligated to donate to an organization you do not believe in. The important thing is letting them know you care and trust me that is what is most needed at this time.

I think just a card would be fine. If you feel compelled to do a little more, you could just send cash with the card. That way, the family could apply it toward the funeral expenses, or if they want to donate it somewhere, that is their decision. I wouldn't want to send money directly to an organization I didn't agree with either.