Ok, so today we received a wedding invitation in the mail. A family member is getting married and my husband is part of the wedding party. We've known about this wedding almost a year now. We would have to travel out of state for it. (yes, i've written to you all about this wedding and the attire in the past)
Well the invitation stated "Adult Reception". Needless to say, we were shocked. Neither the bride, nor the groom has ever mentioned this to us. We have no one to leave our daughter with for four days on that particular weekend, so i told my husband, i won't go. Well, he is very upset, made a couple of phone calls and at this point is waiting for the groom to call him back.
I am hurt, mainly because it's family...but as i told my husband....it's their wedding. They can do whatever they like. It's their day. My husband does NOT want them to make an exception for us to bring our daughter - says that would be odd. I agree!. He said he is just going to tell the groom now that we will not be able to attend and why, so the groom can make what ever changes necessary. I suggested to my husband that he go by himself, but he said NO!
I've been to weddings in the past that have been adult only receptions, but the bride and groom provided "baby sitting" in another room they had reserved at the reception area and they had activities planned for the kids.
I honestly believe it's their wedding and they can do what they want. But don't you think thats something they should have shared that with the wedding party in advance? Plus, the baby sitters we use (family), cannot baby sit that weekend anyway. They already have plans. Not sure how to handle this and i don't want us to come out looking like the bad guys. How would you handle this?
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
Do you have a teenaged
Do you have a teenaged niece, nephew or family friend who could travel with you and then baby sit for you in the hotel? It's a nice way for a teen to see a new place in exchange for a few hours of baby sitting.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
excellent suggestion, but
excellent suggestion, but no. We don't have anyone that can do that for us. My mom has offered to do this in the past for us, but she is busy that weekend.
But no teenagers that we know, to do this for us.
Thanks though.
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
Hi, There are many
Hi,
There are many babysitting companies that have good credentials that you can set up. Call your hotel you are staying at and ask for a referral. It usually costs anywhere from $10-$20 and hour, with a drive fee, and a minimum of 4 hours. It will cost a few bucks, but it is a solution...good luck!!!
I agree; find a local
I agree; find a local sitter. While kids are sometimes cute in wedding photos, they're usually bored and grumpy during the whole ceremony and reception thing. The poor little kids in my sister's wedding had to be good and stay clean for so long that they were almost comotose by the time the ceremony started. Is the wedding at the bride's Church? I'll bet the pastor knows a young person whom s/he can vouch for and who can entertain your little girl.
You have gotten some great
You have gotten some great ideas. I just wanted to say that I think you should be upset. You should have been forewarned so you could have made a decision about being in the wedding party and arrangements for your child.
Be prepared, if you still get to go, that someone always ends up bringing their child. Good luck and I hope you find a solution.
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
I think you all have a right
I think you all have a right to be upset since they know you would have to make arangements for babysitting. We ran into a similar problem. We were invited to a wedding in town that is adult only. Well all our babysitter are going to the wedding. We just decided to skip it because it was not worth the stress of getting a new babysitter for one night. I would probably just worry all night. I dont understand why couples would not want kids at the wedding if they are family.
I'm really suprised no one
I'm really suprised no one mentioned this ahead of time considering they knew your family was coming from out of town and had asked your husband to be a part of the wedding. You got some great suggestions and the only other one I can provide is ask the groom (or bride if your close to her) to ask a few guests who they are going to have watche their children and see if you they can help you find a sitter that way.
Good luck!
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I understand an adult
I understand an adult ceremony, but an adult reception seems a bit sanitary, unless it is late in the evening (but like you said, it's not your wedding.) Before saying you won't go, I'd ask if they have any ideas for child care, since you'll be traveling with your daughter, or have you done that and they said they don't want kids around at all? If that is the attitude, I wouldn't go, but I am guessing that a childless bride, just doesn't have it on her radar. Maybe giving them the benefit of the doubt and working with them will garner a solution and allow you to go as a family. It would be sad if a wedding actually caused family strife. Good luck!
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
I would check with the
I would check with the wedding party if they have made any arrangements for babysitting or if they know of any reputible sitters in the area they are marrying in. I can't imagine you would be the only one affected by this ... check with the hotel where you're staying ... if it's a full service resort/hotel often times they offer these services and or if they are expecting many guests that are staying at the hotel during that time will need them they may be able to assit with arranging something.
I think at this point if your husband has committed to being in the wedding it would be a bit tacky to rescind the offer ... only because if it's gotten to the point of receiving the invitation the wedding probably isn't too far away and the bride and groom have probably made the arrangements for the bridal party .. i.e. picked out equal amount of brides & groomsmen .. possibly even purchased a thank you gift ... etc.
Before just cancelling all together I'd research your alternatives and see what's available .... do you have any friends who have any older children that may be willing to go with to watch your daughter?
Bummer I always found it
Bummer I always found it cute to see little kids dressed up boogying on the dance floor. That was always the highlight of receptions. Being with family, and having a good time. I thought that was what receptions were about anyway. Sorry to hear about that. I'm wondering if the facility is making it be a adult only due to liquor laws and stuff. Don't be too angry before you find out all of the facts.
Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette
I haven't read the other
I haven't read the other responses so I apologize in advance if I'm repeating anything already stated.
I think you and your husband are justified in how you feel.
Yes it is their wedding and they have the right to exclude children if they so choose, BUT they have a responsibility to let people know ahead of time that this is what will be happening in order for the people to find childcare if they choose to attend. I think it's especially tacky that they didn't tell someone in the wedding party.
It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.
I was a little upset when
I was a little upset when one of my dear friends wouldn't allow children for out of town guests. She wanted to provide childcare (at our expense), but since this person is not a parent, I didn't feel she was qualified to find suitable child care for my pride and joy. We ended up leaving him with my parents while we traveled for the wedding. I would feel strange making arrangements for childcare with someone I didn't know in a strange city. Call me crazy, but I think a little paranoia about who you leave your kid with is good. I think your husband should go alone and make it plain that the reason you aren't in attendance was because of the childcare situation. It's unfortunate that they didn't give someone in the wedding party more notice.
Gee, I thought that a
Gee, I thought that a wedding was about the bride and groom. If they want an adult party, then let 'em. You'd hire a sitter if you were going to attend another adult function, right? In the end, if the reception is planned for adults only, your child wouldn't have any fun, anyway.
Between the church where they're going to be married and the hotel, you can find a great sitter.
The issue isn't that they
The issue isn't that they aren't having children in attendance, the issue is that they didn't let anyone (especially someone in the wedding party) know that there wouldn't be any children allowed until the last minute. I'm sorry, but that's just rude.
Personally, I have no problem going to an adult function where children are not allowed, but the important thing is that I need to know that children aren't allowed because as much as I'd like to be, I'm NOT a mind reader.
It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.
It's also a little different
It's also a little different if they're asking you to travel to attend the wedding AND you can't have your kids. That's a lot trickier than just finding a sitter in your own town. If they weren't going out-of-town for the wedding, this probably wouldn't even be a discussion.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
The same thing happened to
The same thing happened to us except it was me in the wedding party. It was in Destin, Florida and it was costing a ton of money to get there and the resort she had us in was pretty pricey. I didn't mind b/c I thought while not doing wedding stuff we could make it like a family vacation. When I found out that kids could not attend the reception I was shocked. No childcare would be provided b/c I was the only person with a child. She even had the nerve to say "can't your parent's watch him"? First of all how can you ask me to be away from my child for 4 days and second, why could you have not told me this months ago? Needless to say we ended up not going to the wedding and we went to Disney World 2 months later as a family with the tickets I had already paid for. I'm not a good bridesmaid anyway...I hate to make it all about them and I hate that they get all bridezilla on you. I had two weddings and my first my parents paid for (close to 30k so I'm told) and I just let my mom plan everything. It was amazing except the groom would later be replaced with a normal, sane sweet one. (yes, didn't you know they are interchangeable)?? lol... My second one I paid for and it was perfect but I never turned into chucky's bride... I don't understand why they do this.. I want to grab them by their vail and scream that "no it's not the most important day in your life, when you have your baby is",,, but that's me... I think my 2nd wedding was absolutely perfect in every way but it pales in comparison to my life now and all the fun stuff we do as a family... WAY WAY off the subject.. sorry I start in on the brides when I talk about weddings...
Another wedding I attended was adults only reception and they did provide childcare. I think it's proper to provide childcare for your guests if you know they have children.
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
It sounds like you have many
It sounds like you have many suggestions of either hiring a niece, nephew or friend to take on the trip or to get in contact with the local hotel to see of a sitter service there in that town. I think the couple should have definitely at least provided a few options for out of towners when it came to sitter services. I just think that sometimes people who do not have children do not think about how hard it is to find a sitter out of town. At least not until they have children of their own one day. However, there is not anything you can do about this so I think if you cannot find a sitter to travel with you or while at the hotel then its fair for you to stay home with your child and your hubby to go. I'm sure he wants you both to go with him, but given the situation maybe this is the only alternative, and it isn't the end of the world. He'll be fine traveling alone - no biggy! Sometimes couples need to separate for certain trips, visits, etc. It isn't a bad thing its just what makes the most sense for the scenario (like yours with regards to no sitter.) I'd encourage him to attend if I were you and if chooses not to then its all him on that decision.
LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 9 months and 3 years old.
I just recieved my invite to
I just recieved my invite to a adult only wedding and reception, and it's for 2, me and my older daughter (19), my girlfriend didnt invite my husband, because she really doesn't know him and since it's limited space, especially at the reception ($35) a plate, she choice to have no kids, plus, as she puts it, even though these are close friends and family, she doesnt like or agree how alot of them discipline or shall I say don't discipline their kids and teach them how to act at a function. My husband doesn't care that he isn't invited, but my 11 yr-old did. My girlfriend called me yesterday to see if I recieved my invitation, and asked if my younger one was ok. I told her that I explained it to her and that's that, but my daughter asked me to ask my friend if someone cancels, can she come, and my friend was sure, I will let you know, because everyone should tell her by the 24th.
Maybe you just didn't hear your friend say that it was a adult only wedding, sometimes we don't hear the things we don't want to hear..
" just my Opinion" LOL
Wow, you've got a lot of
Wow, you've got a lot of nerve to put your friend on the spot like that. Not only is it imposing, but it's also rude to try and get her to allow your child to come to an adults only wedding. I'd be surprised if you get invited to another one of their functions with that kind of entitled attitude.
It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.
When it comes to best
When it comes to best friends, we are open with each other on everything, she asked I told her. And hopefully this will be the one so she won't have to a have another wedding!
No attitude, just best friends, obviously you don't have a bf, that you can be honest with, that's probably why when you answer on this forum to everything you are nasty about it. And that is almost 90% of the time. Better you let your anger out here than anywhere else.
" just my Opinion" LOL
Oh, and just so you know,
Oh, and just so you know, when she said no kids, she meant little kids the ones that run around and can't set still, usually under 8.. My 11 yr old wasn't asked because of limit on $$ a budget for her wedding, but as ppl cancel, she has a list to invite other friends. I am one of 3 friends asked at the beginning, a few others got mad at the beginning because they werent included in the 30 (limit). And told her at her bridal shower, some won't talk to her. So as she puts it, sa la vi (spl??) I guess they weren't my friends to begin with.. Probably true, since they weren't there for her during her divorce and said they would help with the kids until she found a job, but she found them not answereing the phone or making excuses why they couldnt watch her kids, when she went to an interview.. One had the nerve to tell her, that she would charge her 1/2 the price she charges for daycare..
With friends like that, who needs enemies. You know those type, right?? I watched her kids and love her kids as my own, why, cause she is my best friend.. Still is and will always be...
" just my Opinion" LOL
No I'm not nasty about
No I'm not nasty about stuff, I just call people out.
As for a bf, yes I do have one, but I respect her and would never impose upon her for any reason.
That's the difference between us, I respect the people in my life and don't take advantage of their good nature to get what I want.
It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.
well maybe you and your
well maybe you and your friend don't say all. And calling ppl out what does that mean.. You don't even know me, so to say your calling me out is bull. My bf would have told me if i was rude to ask, cause that is the kind of friendship we have.. You should "call ppl out" the ones you know face to face. But ppl you don't know, your just making assumptions.
" just my Opinion" LOL
We did not hear our relative
We did not hear our relative say that no children were allowed, because they never said it.
Update:
We actually got a phone call from the groom on saturday. The groom and my husband spoke. The groom apologized profusely and said he meant to call us before the invitations went out. He told us that our little girl and another groomsmens son are the only children invited to the wedding. (because they are family) So, all is resolved.
Personally though, we would NOT have asked if our daughter could attend. I don't think that is right. Thanks for all of the suggestions!!
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
But you even said you were
But you even said you were thinking about not going.. what kind of friend is that.. At least, I have a personal intimate relationship with my friend that I could honestly ask her and she would give me an honest answer. It's called agape love.. we don't beat around the bush with each other, and we have been friends for a very very long time,, No putting on a face with our relationship..and the fact that you said it's a relative, even more so a reason that you should be able to ask.. It's family..If you can't ask friends, you certainly should be able to ask family.. what's a family without honesty and truthfullness.
Oh my, What's this world coming!
" just my Opinion" LOL
differentdrum - If you think
differentdrum - If you think we are wrong for putting our daughter 1st, then so be it - i can live with that!!
Bottom line is: we would NOT have asked!! And guess what? We didn't even have to ask. And when my husband got the phone call from the groom who was apologizing to my husband...my husband was completely honest with him...as he always has been. They are very close and thats probably why the groom asked him to stand up for him.
You say "Oh my, What's this world coming!" - i ask myself the same question when i read your responses. Amazing isn't it? (and that's not a compliment!)
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
1. I would never expect a
1. I would never expect a compliment from you, even if one was ever due.
2. you should put your child first, what kinda parent wouldn't.
3. You said the groom called and apologized, but why apologize unless your husband mention it. But you say he didn't even have to to.. Hard to believe. Should your husband had said something? Yes, before you even posted this. To bad they didnt' know you posted this and read it. You just assumed the ppl that you call close friends would do this.. How sad is that.. It's probably better they live in a different state that's what probably keeps your friend going..
I will give credit were credit it due, whether I like the person or not. Whether I agree with them or not. You would only bash, the person no matter what.. as you did on this post.. Make a copy of it and have them read it, then see how they feel about you.. Oh, I forgot, it's your husbads freind not yours.
" just my Opinion" LOL
It may be hard to believe,
It may be hard to believe, but it's true. The groom said he meant to call us and one other couple before the invitations went out. Said they had "Adult Reception" printed on the invitation to prevent other wedding guests (non-family as he put it) from bringing small children in order to cut costs. My husband was honest with him AFTER the groom said that and told him the line in the invitation did surprise him.
Thats how it went down...so NO, my husband was not the one who brought it up. Believable or not to you, that's the story.
Once again, you continue to be nasty and make assumptions about people you don't even know.
Have a nice day!
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
My daughter just got married
My daughter just got married a couple weeks ago and we also struggled with how to phrase the invitations so that people did not bring their kids.
We decided to let people know how many seats were reserved so if it is a family of 4 and we said 2 that means no kids.
The reason we did this was because we didn't want the wedding ceremony to be disrupted with crying babies and toddlers running around.
However, a relative did ask about having small children come because otherwise they couldn't participate since they had to travel far for the wedding. We were surprised to find out that the hotel would not help us find a babysitter. But we made arrangements for an aunt to watch a baby and 2 children in the bride's dressing room during the ceremony.
At the reception, there was music playing and it was noisy anyway so the kids were welcomed there.
We did limit the number of kids that we permitted because of the cost involved for a sit down dinner and also we had space limitations. But certainly people traveling from out of town should be accommodated we thought.
It turns out that the 2 year old cousin was quite the hit of the night with her dancing up a storm!
Lori Baker is mom to two daughters, 21 and 24 years old. She is
editor for the Valley and State section's Education and Environment pages in the Arizona Republic.
Thank you! There's nothing
Thank you!
There's nothing wrong with asking a close friend or relative if you can bring your child, or letting them know it's hard on you, especially when it's out of town..Obviously they meant alot to you that you invited them to the wedding to share you daughters special day. I'm sure you thought nothing of it. My goodness these other women call me rude and other names.. I bet your glad they asked you, instead of not showing up, and it all worked out.. I hope you daughter had a very nice wedding day!
" just my Opinion" LOL
Okay, ladies, we've all
Okay, ladies, we've all aired our opinions, right? How about we just let our differences go, and think good thoughts for the bride and groom?
I agree that the couple
I agree that the couple should have whatever kind of wedding they want, and I think it's wrong to make any assumptions these days about whether kids will be invited. Everyone has different points of view on that. So I don't think it's up to the couple to give any advance warning - I think guests have to inquire about it.
It seems to me that your husband should just go and enjoy himself, with your blessing.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.