Advice needed

When it comes to ex's my husband is the same way. He is a very reasonable man but he hates my ex. So if it were me I would respect my husband and look elsewhere. There are tons of houses on the market right now so finding another one should not be a problem. I also think it is a little immature but I guess guys feel how they feel and we have to try and respect there feelings. I would expect the same in return.

Thats a tough one....But I do not think the husband is acting immature at all. I would tell her to look somewhere else for a home. Why not put herself in his shoes....would she want to live right next door (I mean next door....not down the street!!!) to his ex? I know I wouldn't. Regardless of how I feel about the home, my marriage is way more important. I would look for another home, but if I really liked that home, maybe look for a different one in the neighborhood (like the other side), or by the same builder but elsewhere.
That would be way to awkward, even if they are "friends." All it takes is that one fight with her husband, that one moment of insecurity, the one moment of being lonely, one moment of drinking, and she can run to her ex next door. And you know thats what her husband will be thinking.
Yes marriage is based on trust, but after having an intimate relationship with someone else (the ex), the bond you have with that other person is changed forever.
Maybe have her ask the ex this weekend if he is moving soon, since she is going sans her husband.
It might also seem weird to the ex that she is looking at the house right next door to him, can you say stalker? LOL

You know the saying "theres lots of fish in the sea"? Well, there are also lots of houses on the market. I'd certainly look elswhere.

sure, fine, whatever

If she loves her husband and is more concerned with her husband's feelings, I would tell him.
If my husband did this to me, I wouldn't be a happy camper at the least.
I trust my husband completely, but to find out that he knew about it and didn't tell me and we bought the house would be just out of character. You try to please your husband or wife, and why would you hold this information unless she has other intentions.
Unless she knows the ex is moving before they buy they house, then ok. Otherwise, I'm sure there are plenty more houses to view. I don't care how good of a person my ex was, I would be very uncomfortable living next door, vice versa if it was my husband's ex. If you run into them in public, fine, you say hi, how are you, take care and bye. BUT, living next door, you see them on a more frequent schedule. First, I wouldn't want to see my ex every day and see every move he makes during his day. Now, if the husband knows about it, and says he has no problem, then they need to decide on that. It should be a team decision from both the husband and wife.
I think she needs to ask someone else for advice too!!!
Maybe your husband would be a good start. And, your husband better watch out for your future decisions.

One Happy Mom in Arizona.

Are you kidding? With the thousands of homes available, she can't find another "perfect" one? Buying that house is playing with fire! She's crazy to consider it. Too many factors - the guy might change his mind and not move out, her husband may feel insecure, the neighbor guy might one day talk to her kids about walking across his lawn and hubby won't like that!, the neighbor guy might even tell her kids - I used to date your mommy!...I could go on and on.

Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein

That is a crazy coincidence, when there are how many million people in the metro Phoenix area, that this house is next to an ex. Is it really accidental?

My first thought was I dated a lot and not one of my ex's am I interested in romantically. But they are good people and would make good neighbors. Can't people act like grown ups instead of thinking we are all hormones and no morals?? Affairs don't just happen, they are orchastrated to happen with choices made by all parties.

However, making that point isn't as important as having a happy home. So, she has to weigh her true interest in that location, if it is truly the best house ever, with she won't be happy with any other, she needs to talk frankly with her husband, but if it has more to do with the neighbor, she needs to be honest with herself and don't even make the choice to be put in an enticing situation and should keep looking. As her friend you need to keep her honest, and question her motives.

Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.

Adult men realize that you are not their first love, however they never want to hear about your exs, forget about live next to them. She absolutely positively needs to drop the idea of this house.

Seriously? The last thing I want is for my honey to have a nice little sit-down with my ex. It would so creep me out to see them cracking a couple of beers while the burgers and dogs were cooking on the grill in the back yard.

Like the others, I say there are other houses out there but she only has one marriage. Find another house or find out if he has moved out. I would let my husband know the situation before I looked at it - with or without him. I would want him to tell me so I treat him the way I want to be treated.

KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.

I say no way.. it's a buyer's market and there are 10 more houses she will like just as much. First and foremost I don't think she should put herself in any situation that would cause stress with her relationship with her husband. Wether he is being immature or not doesn't matter because it is the way he feels. What if the guy doesn't move out? Things change. Ask her how she would feel if her husband was thinking about taking a job where his ex girlfriend works. Would it make her uncomfortable??

Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.

Hmmm...I'll have to rethink my position on this I guess. I really thought "no big deal" because the guy is supposed to be moving out of there in the next month or so. I did tell my friend that she should probably not buy this house while he was there and to look a little more.

Just an FYI though, I live in the same area she has and for some reason we aren't having the housing boom other areas seem to have. She wanted to stay in this area strictly for the school (the way the schools are positioned in DVUSD there isn't a whole lot of room to move around without having to switch schools) and I can sympathize with that stand point.

I do agree that it would be a little weird to have a neighborhood get together and watch them bs about things lol. I'm totally naive and want everyone to just get along so I usually just look for the positive in all positions.

Thanks for the input!

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

it doesnt matter that shes playing her game if hubbie says no he wont sign the loan. look more into the fact why she wants to start crud with her husband and why shes talkin crud. sounds like shes lookin for attention, dont support her stupid behavior

"dont pee on my leg and tell me its raining"

Even though I think the husband is being immature, why cause unneeded stress in a marriage over a house. Relationships are hard enough and there are plenty of "perfect'' homes out there. It's not worth it.

Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.