My husband was home two minutes from work this evening and we got into a huge argument over tools! Yes, that's right...hammer, saws, screwdrivers, etc. I am still in shock and 4 hours later...we still are not talking. Even more shock, because he's a talker.
I advised my husband that 5 minutes before he came home a neighbor stopped by and asked if we had a specific tool. We are not close friends with the neighbor but we have been friendly enough with them to stop and chat when we see each other and wave when we drive by. Well, my husband started bombarding me with questions like....1- When is he bringing it back? 2- What did he need it for? Well, i didn't ask any of these question, because i didn't think they were necessary. (and i still don't) My husband was livid!! I mean livid and he does not normally go from fine to livid in 2 seconds. It takes a lot to make him angry. I was shocked and didn't know how to respond (not like me at all). Then he said next time - ask the neighbor to wait until your husband gets home! I was so angry at this point I said "next time? There won't be a next time!" I'm not even going to answer the door!" I was so angry, because now i felt like he was questioning my judgement on something so insignificant. I said "yeah right! I am going to tell someone i have to check with my husband before lending out a hammer, saw or screwdriver?" I don't get it!!!!!! I still cannot believe what a huge argument this turned into. It's not like we have a garage full of top of the line expensive tool or special edition stuff. We have 1 tool box with some tools in it.
I honestly don't see what i did wrong here. Are men really like this about their tools or did someone have a bad day? I'm guessing it's the latter. Anyone else ever have something like this happen?
just~me
Yes my husband and I do have
Yes my husband and I do have things like this happen - what we've found though is that there's something else going on. Usually it's not about the tools, but about something else and this just happens to be the time everything comes out in the open. It's not fun, though! Hopefully after the dust settles you can bring it up again and express your feelings again. All the best!
Catherine Phillips
SHAKLEE~ Creating Healthier Lives
www.shaklee.net/vitamin_c
602-952-8496
Men are territorial.
Men are territorial. Apologize for not checking with him first. There are usually deeper psychological considerations at work, when a "ridiculous" fight ocurrs. Perhaps, he has some animosity with this neighbor...perhaps, he thinks the neighbor is stuck up and hubby would have loved the chance to feel "one up" by being the one to hand over the tool...perhaps he didn't like this guys chatting with his woman when he was not there...who knows! But, he feels slighted, so apologize for lending the tool without asking first and let it go at that.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
thanks - we talked about it
thanks - we talked about it last night and it turns out - it was a crappy day at work for him. So, it's all resolved. We apologize and we are both over it.
just~me
Yes, its possible. I don't
Yes, its possible. I don't think my husband would get that mad, but after thinking about it, If I came home and my husband told me that he let a neighbor borrow my blow dryer, or brush. I would be like "What did you do?" I would have told him the least he could do is ask me first.
If we knew the neighbors well, I may be more understanding and I would just let her know to just keep it until she is finished.
You just never know how someone is going to react until you experience it.
At least you know not to do it again, unless you ask first.
We have argued over the simpliest things too. It is the only way we learn.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
How true...My husband and I
How true...My husband and I once argued over whether a "cup" would still be a cup if it were called something else (i.e. does the name describe the object or the function - if you pour soda into a shoe and take a sip, is that a cup?...or if you stuff a bouquet of flowers in it, is it still a cup, etc.). And yes, we were able to actually get mad at one another, from the frustrations of not being understood. You can angrily fight over stupid stuff and cooperate over difficult stuff - it all depends on how much validation you offer one another. It's all about validation!
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
How very true. Optimist,
How very true.
Optimist, you don't have to answer this...but i have been thinking this for a while when reading your responses and how you look at things (don't take that in a negative way please), but i am going to guess you are an engineer. Am i right?
just~me
If I were, do you think that
If I were, do you think that I'd admit to it?! LOL....
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
that's funny!! Guess
that's funny!! Guess not....I enjoy reading your posts.
just~me
Well, you're good - you're
Well, you're good - you're not far off. My degree is in psychology, but I work in engineering. But, of course, all of the guys with whom I work, actually went to school for this stuff - on purpose! Can you imagine??? LOL....
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
I have a dear friend whose
I have a dear friend whose husband is somewhat messy but when it comes to his tools, you could serve food on/with them! It's like an homage to Craftsman!!
My husband is not so territorial with his tools until or unless one goes missing!!
Bad day or not...I have had the exact conversation with my husband regarding tools on good days. Much less heated but still the same level of inquisition (ie., who, what, where, how, why).
To be honest, I don't know the exact location of most of the individual items in his tool collection, so I am honestly able to defer the "tool loan" to "when my husband gets home."
Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community activist and an aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.