Can anyone recommend?

Posted May 9th, 2008 by phoenixgrlkim1

my stories

Without going into a whole story, I’m wondering if anyone can recommend a good marriage counselor. I’m looking for someone that is very personable (I had a hard enough time convincing my hubby to even do this with me) and is reasonably price. We live in the N. Phoenix area so Glendale or Peoria would be great.

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

I don' t know of anyone, but

On May 9th, 2008 lovemy4 says:

I don' t know of anyone, but wanted to commend you for making the effort, and your husband too. It takes strong people to look for help when they need it. Good luck with everything.

Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.

I'm so sorry to hear you're

On May 9th, 2008 momto1lil1 says:

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through some rough times. Remember if you need to vent or need any encouragement or advise we're hear for you. I wish I had someone to recommend, but I don't. I hope someone will have a good name to pass along to you.

I hope all is okay ~ I noticed you've been scarce lately here.

Thanks for the well wishes.

On May 9th, 2008 phoenixgrlkim1 says:

Thanks for the well wishes. I'm sure in the end we'll be fine just lately I've noticed that my husband and I haven't been on any of the same sides with issues and where I use to feel supportive by him, I don't anymore and communication has completely broken down between us. I love my husband but I know neither of us wants to be married to someone we can't talk to and see eye to eye on things with so we need to fix the issues or split and I know I didn't get married to get divorced a year later. Thanks again for the wishes!

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

Try calling Southwest

On May 9th, 2008 GlendaleMom says:

Try calling Southwest Behavioral Health Services at 602-997-2233 for marriage counseling. Depending on your income, status, employment, you may qualify for free or discounted counseling sessions. Good luck!!

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!

I believe that all marriages

On May 9th, 2008 sdebralh says:

I believe that all marriages go through trials. It takes work on both parts to make a marriage successful.
I heard a preacher say the longer a couple is married, the harder it is. The preacher has been married for 23 years, and he said how his wife and him make time for each other to reconnect. After 7 years with my husband, I know that communication can break down easily and we have to find time to reconnect. I waited to marry in my 30's and I too never want to think divorce is the way to repair something broken. I think its a normal thing to have problems and disagreements, but its how both handle the differences. When I break down and I'm unhappy about an issue, my husband is really good about getting me back on track. When he is feeling down, I try to lift him up. I always keep in mind that two is always stronger than one, but we must have a strong foundation to get through the bumps.
Have you thought about sitting down with a couple that has been married for 25-30 years. I know they can always give great advice, or a person that your husband respects and listens to for advice. If my husband and I were having problems that we couldn't repair, I would turn to an experienced couple that we both respect, or a person that counsels in the church. It must be a person that the husband looks up to. I've had to turn to my husbands sister for advice, because we both respect her decision on marriage. She and her husband are very family oriented too and have similar values as my husband and I. Good Luck! Just remember we have all been there and will again. Remeber too, its normal to disagree. Gosh, I think in time, we have just learned to respect the differences. We don't want our mate exactly like us anyway. My husband and I very seldom ever had an argument until after our child was born. Then you really learn the differences between each other. Again, it takes work.

DHC

Unfortunately for us, we

On May 9th, 2008 phoenixgrlkim1 says:

Unfortunately for us, we don't know anyone that has been married that long to sit down and talk with. And part of our issue is he isn't supportive of me or my feelings at all lately which has cause a complete break down in our communication. And honestly, talking to another couple wouldn't be my husband's thing and I think we might scare them away with our issues. Here's the issue and maybe you'll offer another suggestion.

My husband has some severe anger and drinking issues. He's mean spirited and thinks that he is better than everyone else. I get yelled at fot things like him falling asleep on the couch and the T.V. being too loud when I wasn't even sitting there watching it. A couple of weeks ago we went to a couple's engagement party and my husband drank so much he got angry with me for no reason and on the drive home exited my moving vehicle as I was getting off the freeway. I get told that he's glad he married someone that makes so much money. I also never get any help around the house but am constantly told that I need to clean up, do laundy, and cook. And these are just the surface ones.

As you can tell we don't just have a couple of hurdles and I'm not perfect either. I let him treat me like this and lately I've basically treated him like (inappropriate term) because of how he is. I have thought about leaving and have told him on more than one occasion that if he can't get help I'm done.

It wasn't always like this and as horrible as this is, I love my husband and I know he loves me. He just has some severe past issues that he needs to address which is what I think has made him become this way.

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

I sure hate to hear of this.

On May 9th, 2008 sdebralh says:

I sure hate to hear of this. Definitely you have bigger issues because alcohol is involved. Sometimes people with addictions lose everything that is important to them. They never wake up and realize that family is priority until its all taken away from them.
It is not your fault that he has a problem with drinking and anger, so don't blame yourself. You need to seek advice from someone in the church, family, etc. for your own mental state and safety.
If he don't attend meetings or help, then go without him. I would do the same if I was in your situation.
We are here for you, and keep us updated.

DHC

I am sorry to hear of all

On May 9th, 2008 Katy1999 says:

I am sorry to hear of all this.....after reading the above post, I am not sure that marriage counseling is going to solve the problem, because it sounds like your husband has some serious issues and the problems in your marriage are a secondary result. If he does not address the substance abuse issues, you won't be able to move forward and all the love in the world won't change things.
My father was an alcoholic, and he was often mean spirited and abusive in much the same ways as you describe above......but at the same time I know he loved my mom very much - the problem was he did not love himself enough to straighten out, and we all suffered as a result. Your husband probably doesn't think he's better than everyone else, that is a front and there is a void of self esteem issues there. It is important that for the sake of your sanity, and for your children's stability that you recognize that these issues are NOT your fault, and nor can you fix them for him.......and if he's not willing to address thse issues for the sake of your family, do not blame yourself!!
Does he recognize in any way that he has a drinking problem?
Is he open to getting some help?

He's actually very

On May 10th, 2008 phoenixgrlkim1 says:

He's actually very responsive to getting help not just for us but him. He does know that drinking heavily is a big root for his meaness and honestly, if he comes home and drinks a beer or two it's not like this, it's when he drinks 4-5 mixed drinks or more. I do agree with a lot of what you have said and my hubby has been notified that under no circumstances what so ever will I be willing to work us out if we can't get help seperately and together.

I'm like your mom, I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but it's very hard to be here when it's this way. One day at a time is all I can hope for, for now.

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

Speaking from the

On May 9th, 2008 not_the_mama says:

Speaking from the perspective of someone for whom shrinks, counselors, et.al are a part of life, I suggest that, unless you're totally opposed to the idea, go to a cleric.

I'm not saying this because they're free. I have to visit with psychs to get my meds, and I have had to for more than 15 years, and I have yet to hear anything that's useful. My ex and I paid almost $200 for a "couples counseling" session in which my ex and I were advised to take separate vacations.

One honest sit-down with a cleric, and we were very clear about the issues we had.

If you don't have a cleric in your life, I can recommend several.

If you have some good ones,

On May 9th, 2008 phoenixgrlkim1 says:

If you have some good ones, I'd love some referrals. You can email them to me a phoenixgrlkim1@yahoo.com if you don't feel comfortable putting the names out there.

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

Lemme see what I can do. If

On May 9th, 2008 not_the_mama says:

Lemme see what I can do. If you get a hotmail from initials LL, that'll be me.

Just remember that no one

On May 9th, 2008 sdebralh says:

Just remember that no one deserves to be abused, whether it is physical, emotional, or verbal.

DHC

There are a few options you

On May 9th, 2008 KMMx3 says:

There are a few options you can look into....

You could go through a Mental Health Agency (ie-Southwest Behavioral Health, JFCS, etc), most work on a sliding fee scale unless you are on AHCCCS (which would then be free to you). Call 800-564-54645 for a referral to a provider that would be close to your home.

Many times, your private health insurance has a counseling benefit and would provide referrals.

If you are employed, some companies offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which is short term (6-8 sessions) for any personal concerns that you need support with. Everything is confidential and is contracted through a separate company.

For specific referrals, you may also go to counseling.org which provides a list of therapists that are certified by the American Counseling association.
You may also go to bbhe.az.state.us to verify the credentials of a therapist that you choose and to ensure there aren't any complaints about that person.

Best of luck, like others have said, many of us have gone through this and will go through it again. Good luck and please feel free to ask if you have any questions :) Hopefully this information is not overwhelming to you! Sorry I don't have any specific contacts/ names....

Kelly
Momof2under2