I need to vent!
This is probably long and complicated, but I'll try to get to the point.
BACKGROUND
My brother, sister and I own a rental property in NJ. It's a 3 family house in a small, quiet town, approx 10 minutes outside Manhattan. As you can imagine, comparable rental properties are astronomical given the location. The 2BR upstairs is rented for $1500/mo, the 1BR basement apt is rented for $700/mo, and the ground floor 3BR, which my husband and I completely fixed up (we were once planning on living there) is rented to my mother-in-law and her 21 y/o daughter for $700/mo. They had been evicted from their previous apt, and were completely struggling to make ends meet. I talked to my family, and they agreed to help MIL/SIL out by only charging a fraction of what we could get. We knew they would take great care of the property, and serve as our eye/ears since we are all in AZ. COOL.
ISSUE
The other sister!!! My husband's 26y/o sister is a train wreck. She has 2 kids and one on the way, recently married kid #2's dad, both are unemployed! To sum her up, I would say her A#1 priority is her myspace page! They lived about 3 hrs away from her mom (my MIL), until a few weeks ago. Apparently, welfare wasn't covering the rent and they needed to move in with mommy....(who, by the way is 53 y/o, works 2 jobs, lost her husband 5 yrs ago to a massive heart attack AND just had quintuple bypass surgery herself last year!!!)
So, no one tells me that they moved in (not even my husband! - he's embarrassed by her). SIL just emailed me this long sob story of their situation, how her husband is 1/3 of the way through some job training program, and they will be moving out as soon as he's done...but, her question was "in the meantime, would you mind if we had our dog here too??". So....let me see, MIL in one bedroom, 21yr SIL in the other BR, and hmmmm, 2 adults, 3 kids and A DOG in the other BR?????
I am so annoyed that they are doing this to my MIL. I'm sure she is embarrassed and feels guilty thinking that she's taking advantage of the situation BUT, it isn't her, it's that irresponsible daughter of hers!!! I know this...but now I feel like I need to let my family know, and they in turn might really feel taken advantage of, after all, living in AZ, they hardly know my husband's family and are only doing this all as a favor to me. In addition to the huge break in rent, we are also paying for partial gas and electric and the entire water bill. Now, that's going to go up a pretty penny with another whole family living there!
I feel like I'm in such a bind b/c I know my MIL can't afford to support them all, but busts her butt for her kids. She's not in the greatest of health either, and that upsets me that her own daughter would take advantage. I want to help MIL and 21y/o SIL b/c they are the ones that work so hard trying to make it. The other one and her husband are selfish and ungrateful and play this ongoing game of "who can we BS now"....like little conartists! DISGUSTING!
What am I supposed to do? I have to tell my family of the change in the living situation there, but I also know that they are going to be aware of the increase in utilities and why should they have to pay for my irresponsible SIL?!
UGH, and the dog? what about that???
I don't even know if any of this makes sense, but I just needed to vent.
Wow my brain is spinning -so
Wow my brain is spinning -so I can just imagine how you feel! You are always so helpful with your advice, but I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you. I do think what you are doing for your MIL & 21 yr SIL is wonderful & selfless thing. How about giving the SIL that is taking advantage some kind of time limit or maybe if your siblings that you have the investment w/ will let you put the blame on them (like they are pushing you to get this living arrangement back to the original agreement) ? Just make sure that this doesn't put a strain on what seems like a great relationship w/ your own siblings. I knowyou'll get through this.
It is totally not fair that
It is totally not fair that nice people get taken advantage of.
About the dog - do you allow pets in the other units? If not, then you have an easy answer to that - NO Pets. If it is a large dog, you have an even easier "No".
I would get with your brother and sister and tell them you don't want this whole other family there anymore than they do, and get a "plan" together. In the very least, switch all utilities to the renter's responsibility and give them a time limit of staying there. Also, check the housing laws. You might have an escape there if that is too many people for the dwelling. Make sure they (older SIL and family) realize that this apartment is not yours and your husbands, that there are two other owners out there who don't have any responsibility to her family and it is very unfair to them, to be losing rent on this space and paying higher utiliies. Also, wear and tear on what you just made all nice.
Also, I would be nice about, but mention to your MIL that as the owners of the buiding you should have been asked before hand if it was ok for them to move in.
Wow! This sounds like a
Wow! This sounds like a mess, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it! I agree that you are doing such a great thing for you MIL & 21 y/o SIL. I do think that for the sake of your relationship with your siblings, you should be upfront and honest with them now that you know the other SIL is living there. Ask your siblings what they think about leaving the money situation as it is for a month and if the SIL is still living there with her family after that then changing things. This way it doesn't put anymore strain on your MIL and 21 y/o SIL but maybe in a month's time the SIL and her family will have figured something out. Is her husband not getting paid to be in job training?? that seems a little strange to me.
As far as the dog goes, it's hard for me to say this because I am such an animal lover, but I would not allow the dog to live there because it's just too much. Plus depending on how old the dog is he/she could chew on things and have accidents in the house. I have a dog in my condo, he is now two years old and he has chewed up the carpet, part of the couch, and parts of the bedroom doors.
I do plan on telling my
I do plan on telling my brother and sister, and I know they will be just fine with letting things be as a temporary situation. It isn't fair that the utilities will go up, but if I/we ask them to take over the entire payment, that will just put the pressure on my MIL, who I know can't afford it.
I should check with the city and see what the laws are for max occupancy, especially b/c the inspector lives in the house behind them, and everyone knows everyone in that small little town. It is a temporary situation though, so I'll have to check on that.
And yes, it is strange that he's not getting paid for whatever this job training is...very suspicious, but par for the course with them.
The dog is a yorkie and probably weighs 1/2 pound! I know it won't be an issue, but no pets are allowed in the other units.
My biggest issue comes with knowing that any "stress" that's put on them re. money will be carried by my MIL. The Irresponsibles will act like they are doing everything in their power to fix the situation, but will actually take the free ride for as long as humanly possible.
Thanks for some feedback. I hate whining about things, but I needed to vent!
Holy Moses! That is a
Holy Moses! That is a wretched situation in so many ways. There's a lot to untangle. I'd say be very clear and communicate with your husband ('cause ya gotta live with him!), your family ('cause they co-own the house), and the ILs ('cause your MIL is a rent-paying tenant and the new SIL/BIL are NOT).
This will probably get me hate mail... but I'd say "no way" to the dog. Frankly, if they are unemployed and HOMELESS, they cannot AFFORD a dog. Any money spent on that dog should be being spent on the children and shelter or food. Period. They need to find a good home for the dog and be done with that part of the situation.
As to the rest - check and see what the rental laws are in that state. It sure sounds like way too many people in too small a space. Normally I'm not one to go that route because I want the government to stay the h*** out of my house and family business, but this is a different situation. It sure sounds like this SIL will take a mile if you offer an inch. The utilities absolutely need to be the renters' responsibility OR the average should be included in the rent - there's no reason for you to foot the bill for an extra family of that size to bathe, cook, and whatever.
Have a written, dated, notarized letter with the move out plan clearly stated. When/if they do not get out of dodge as promised, you will then have documentation.
I really am all for helping folks out. I know that WE live paycheck to paycheck and so do a lot of others. But I also know that I would not mind if my own parents had a timeline and ground rules for helping us out of a desperate situation if, God forbid, one ever arose. I would be mortified to even have to ask for help. So on the one hand, yeah... have a heart. On the other hand, that doesn't mean let SIL rip it out and stomp on it. :D
I agree completely: NO to
I agree completely: NO to the dog, and get a firm, signed, notarized "Move Out" plan that specifies date they must be gone. Then enforce it. Explain that this is not YOUR house but a business venture you're in with your siblings and that's just how things are done. End of story.
That way, you're giving them a 'break' so they can get on their feet, but you're not becoming the permanent 'host' to parasites. And your MIL won't be their 'meal ticket' etiher.
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
Yes, but my MIL will carry
Yes, but my MIL will carry the stress and burden of them not having anywhere to go after the move out plan is put into action. Then, when they're on the streets with a new baby, my MIL with a heart condition will probably end up sick with worry knowing that we won't let them live there. You would think that having a time restraint would force anyone to do whatever they have to in order to make things work, but not them... This is the reason why I'm kind of freaking out here. I want to be able to address SIL and lay down some sort of rules, without upsetting MIL. (believe me, she is not happy about this situation).
Wow talk about alot to
Wow talk about alot to handle. It will be really important to let your family know as soon as possible,because your in-law situation may start to cause problems with the tenants paying full rent. If they're not allowed to have pets on the property that's one issue but what about the noise and foot traffic three kids can suddenly bring. I have one and I constantly worry about our downstairs neighbor having to listen to him run around. It's a sticky stituation because every where you turn someones family is involved and no matter what you say someone is not going to be happy. I hope everything works out for the best and if your SIL starts to drag her feet about moving out, you may be forced to take the "this is a business decision" route and if your MIL has a lease and your SIL isn't on it, sorry SIL but you and the family have to find some place else to live. Best of luck!