I have this friend......seriously, it's a friend. ;0) Anywho, she is getting married and she lives in AZ for the past 7 years. Her parents have offered to pay for the wedding, as long as she gets married in her home state of RI. Her fiance was born and raised in AZ and most of his family and friends will not go to the wedding if it's back east. (about 10 of them have said this to me)
The bride to be was told by her parents that there will be be more costs involved for them if they have to fly to AZ for the wedding. Do you think this is right?
I remember having disagreements with my parents (mainly my mom - dad got dragged in to the arguments) about my wedding 9 years ago, but i stuck to my guns on a few things that i felt very passionate about. My parents paid for 1/2 of my wedding and trust me....there were arguments about them not paying for any of it at times.
Just curious of what everyone thinks. Is it right for the parents of the bride to hold the money they have offered to pay for their daughters wedding over hear head like that?
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
I think if she lives in
I think if she lives in Arizona now and he lives in Az , then the wedding should be here, especially if most of her friends are here now that she has lived here.
" just my Opinion" LOL
My personal opinion is no,
My personal opinion is no, her parents should not be telling her where to get married or hold the $ over her head. However, her parents do have the right to not give her the money if that is their decision and their money.
A possible solution is to maybe determine what her parents are willing to spend and tell them that it will not cost any more than what they can afford and that their accommodations, tickets, etc... will be factored into that amount.
What a drag cuz I am sure your friend wants her parents involved! But there should be a middle ground and the wedding should be were she and her fiancee want it to be.
Or hey! Go to Vegas! Neutral territory! HAHA :)
Best of luck, that's a toughie! :)
Aymee C. Buckhannon
Independent Executive
http://www.GilbertMom.com
In my opinion, it's the
In my opinion, it's the bride's day, and the bride should have the wedding she wants. If a parent wants to pay for the wedding, they should extend the offer and then let the bride decide how (and where!) she wants to spend HER money. If her parents want to pay, they shouldn't put conditions on it. The money is a gift to her, and she decides how to spend it.
This is a decision that
This is a decision that needs to be made by the bride and groom, not by parents trying to manipulate her by using money.
That being said, her parents have no obligation to pay for the wedding, sure it would be nice but I'm assuming she is an adult and that she and her fiance are paying their own bills together.
My husband and I paid for our own wedding and our mother's generously chipped in of their own volition, but never once did they hold it over our heads and tell us if we didn't do things the way they wanted them done they wouldn't give us anything. I guarantee if that had happened, we would have told them to keep their money and we'd do everything ourselves.
It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.
I think that the parents are
I think that the parents are trying to manipulate her in to getting married back east. There is not way that the wedding here will cost as much as it would back east and honestly if the parents are going to say that they will be out more money if they pay for it here plus travel, I would just assume the bride, husband pay for the majority of it themselves. Also (and this is from experience), travel is expensive now a days so it is unfair for her to plan a wedding that her husband to be's family can't attend because only her parents want it back east.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Tell the parents they can
Tell the parents they can keep their money and stay home, the wedding in in AZ, see what they say then. It is her day, not theirs.
sara
I remember my Mom saying
I remember my Mom saying something like "Well tell me what you decide as that will decide what portion of it I'll pay for" or something like that, when we disagreed on something.
That was extrememly upsetting, but who wants to loose their sponsor? I could either eat it up or pay up. I still am a bit sore that she thought her vision was the right one for my wedding, but ultimately it was nice and only I knew what wasn't. So, I guess I'd say it isn't right and in a perfect world wouldn't happen, but if it does the bride does have the right to make her own choices, and pay the bills or play the game.
Now I'm hoping my Mom will let my sister have her way and still pay. We'll see.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.