I'm a little concerned lately. My husband and I have been going through some massives rough spots in our marriage. It's too the point where I have basically said to my husband that he needs to go get counseling and put on anti-depresants before we can even go to marriage counseling (yes I know marriage is two people but we can't work on our issues if he can't face his own past ones first) and if he can't then he needs to leave our home. My husband so far as agreed to this and it looks extremely promising and reassuring that he loves me, our family and is committed to our marriage, but I'm wondering what if anything, should I do as a proccautionary measure regarding our finances or debts. Most of the items I have are owned soley by me before we met, but I do have my car that I'm paying on still but it's only in my name and I purchased before we were married and my home is a rental that I lived in prior to even meeting my husband. I'm optimistic and committed to fixing our marriage but on the flip side, I'm a realist and would like to safeguard things in my home that were mine prior in case we don't work things out. I also was to start a savings in just my name with only contributions from just my earnings, but can that still be considered as marital assests? I'm only asking these things because of 2 reasons. 1. I was married very young and when my husband and I split I took every thing that I had purchased and gave him everything he purchased and 3 years later found that some of the "bad debt" he was on my credit and 2. I have a friend I work with who was divorced about 2 years ago and when they started the divorce her credit score was at like a 750 and is now at like a high 400 low 500 point because she didn't get her name off any of the credit cards and he is basically just not paying them. I really just want to safe guard myself and my kids in case we do split. I also want to ask, does anyone know what the spousal support law is in AZ? I know in TX it's you have to be married 10 years, but some one said that out here there is no time limit. I don't want to get stuck owing spousal support to him.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I'm on my second marriage so
I'm on my second marriage so I can tell you you are doing the right thing. He needs to get himself "fixed" before you guys can work on your marriage. Suggesting anti-depressants was a good idea. Maybe he can take them for awhile and start a counseling program and get to the root of the issues he has. In the meantime you are SOOOO wise to be thinking about yourself and the kids future and thinking about how this will effect you while looking at various outcomes.. I think you should treat it as if you are not getting back together and remove your name from whatever you can now. I hope I am not sounding like debbie downer because I totally believe that if he gets the help he needs willingly then you guys will have it made and he will come back "fixed" and he can focus on the family, right now it sounds like he can't do that... Good for you for looking at the reality of this. So many times I have seen girls go through this and they want so much for it to work out that they end up devastated in terrible shape if it doesn't work out the way they thought it would. Devastated emotionally and financially... I wish I could give you more info on AZ law but I only know TX...You could get a consult with a top AZ attorney.. that would be a great start..
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
I am glad he agreed to get
I am glad he agreed to get counseling. I would have suggested you both go to one marriage counseling and have them suggest individual counseling as I did with my marriage. It worked out great. As for safeguarding your things, not too sure on that topic. Go to maricopa.gov and search spousal support. Then you will find the statute for it. Good luck
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
Been there, any joint
Been there, any joint accounts you are responsible for as much as he is. He cannot touch a savings account in only your name. As far personal belongings if you were to divorce you have to list all belonings brought into the marriage and belongings acquired during the marriage. If there are disagreements on what is who's the judge will help with that. Car note in only in your name so he can't touch that and obviously the house wont be an issue. Good for you for trying to make your marriage work and being realistic as to if it doesn't what you need to do. I was very young (18) with my first marriage.It's hard, I have been there, unfortunately for me there was so much involved. I wish you the best of luck.
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
It's easier to think about
It's easier to think about this now. I know things are rough, but, if you get to the point of splitting, there will be even more stress and emotion involved. In addition, you'll know, in the back of your head, that you're going to be okay financially.
Get some separate credit cards/lines of credit in your name only. Hopefully you won't need them. Make sure you're set up to monitor activity on your joint accounts online. These days, you can even set up alerts so that you'll be notified if there's a sudden run on your Visa card.
Also, make an inventory of the things you owned before you got married. I think the car is yours, regardless. Unless you're pulling in a huge salary, I don't think you need to worry about spousal support. That's for marriages in which one party earns a lot of money, and the other party has been completely dependent on him/her during much of the marriage.
If I sound like I know, believe me (and my very low FICO score), I learned the hard way.
Thanks so far for the
Thanks so far for the comments. I will write a list of items that I owned and are strictly mine and keep it just in case. I will also stop at my bank on the way home and open a savings account in just my name and start slipping away some savings. If everything goes ok, then later on I can always dip a little into the savings at a time and use it back in the household.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Definitely have a savings
Definitely have a savings that can support you through a few months of bills. As others said any join accounts you will both be equally responsible for. Maybe try to work on bringing those debts down first since you know you will continue to pay off your own personal debt if you do happen to get divorced.
Good luck!
Don't know how close you are
Don't know how close you are with your family, but I almost got divorced about a year, and a half ago. My mom actually opened up a savings account under her name. Right now it's known as my school fund (since I'm still trying to get my degree to some point). Also just so you know B of A opens checking for $25, and you don't have to have anything for a savings. Not bad (Bank One is very expensive). I hope it works out for you. I had to live with my parents for almost 9 months with a new baby for a while until my husband got his act together. It took him being alone in a big house for that long to understand that I was serious and that I wasn't going to back down. He's doing great by the way. We had some relapses, and we also went to counseling quite a few times. Good luck girl. Also I went the gym a lot and lost a lot of weight (Diverted my attention and kept me sane).
Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette
Thanks Lisa. It's very
Thanks Lisa. It's very weird to go through this with him. We have good and bad days so often. Luckily our debts together consist of a TV payment and monthly bills. I am extremely careful about what I put "on credit" and it took me until I was 29 to buy a car and commit making payments for 7 years. I do work out every day now. It helps keep my sanity also! I'm hoping that by him starting what he needs to do then once his a couple of months in we can get counsuling together and have smooth sailing. But you never know...last night we had a arguement because for 2 days our A/C been acting weird and then yesterday when I said something about it, he said, "why haven't you called the landlord?" and I had to remind him that he told me not to and that he'd try and fix it lol.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."