How do you get back to the fun in your life, with your spouse/partner when you have had the nose to the grindstone so long people (including you) think your tombstone might say something like "Gee, I wish I had spent more time at work"
I have a playful streak, but am rusty, as my habit has gone toward overwork and the related fatigue of constantly trying to do too much. Both of us have, because the nature of our work is simply for the bosses to ask more for less return. I know we should just stop, and put our priorities back in order, but there are difficulties associated with being grown ups with too much work and stress on the plate, and a child to care for.
So I'm stuck with the word of the day almost always pointing to WORK. How the heck can we jump start AS A COUPLE back into the wonder of my REAL favorite four letter word: P-L-A-Y?
What do you do?
Alcohol helps.............
Alcohol helps.............
hmmmm. Get a babysitter for
hmmmm. Get a babysitter for starters. How about looking at pictures from when you were dating, your marriage and reminisce about how it use to be. Try to remember fun times. Just hanging out but being together. If you don't have time for lots of stuff try to at least meet up for lunch. Set your alarm clock and make special time - even if it is just cuddling :)
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
It's hard sometimes to step
It's hard sometimes to step back from it and adjust. For us, its about adult time....we have gone to concerts (just us) or a weekend away for our anniversary. I think if you can't do those things financially or it is hard to get a sitter, there are other things like inviting friends over for game night or findiing a game you and your husband can do (my husband and i play cribbage sometimes). Listening to music and having a glass of wine and just talking to each other without having to chase a child or be interrupted or get a sippy cup, etc etc. I think that helps bring us closer together when we have those kind of moments.
This is such a challenge!
This is such a challenge! Great topic. When my husband and I actually have time together, the tendency is to just sit in front of the TV. I think others' suggestions of playing a game or looking at photos, etc., are great ideas. Yes, and there's always alcohol.... One thing I don't think my husband and I do enough of is simply listen to music together. We used to do that back in college (weren't times so much simpler back then?!?) and it was really nice. Now if I could just break away from the computer.....
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
Well...I think after being
Well...I think after being married for awhile we all get wrapped up in the everyday, busy life. We tend to put the things that mean the most to the side and worry about the everyday things like, laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, taking out the trash, etc. Then when we have the time for our spouses, we are tired and ready for bed. We all live in this fast paced world and have little time for ourselves or people that mean the most in our lives. I have always said those little everyday things will always be there tomorrow waiting but you just never know if the one you love will be there! We all take life for granted at times.
My advice would be....decide upon a day of the week that works best for you both. That night children go to bed 1/2 early and then you both go into your room and take sometime together. Talk, give each other a massage, cuddle, play, etc. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELVES. You make time for everything else, so make time for that important person in your life. .
This has keep my marriage strong with my husband. Been married for 13 years and together for 18 years. We take time for ourselves every night now. Kids go to bed at 7:30PM and we have 2 hours of "OUR" time together.
Just my two cents...hope this helps!
Mom to two girls and wife to wonderful husband~
Lori McCue
www.girlsfunparties.com
This was posted at
This was posted at babycenter.com, two ways to grab some romance and make it fun. I like the betting idea and with the D-Backs in the playoffs there is ample opportunity...
Flirting and cyber flirting
"I send my husband e-mail saying that I can't wait to be alone with him. When he gets home, we flirt until the kids go to bed. We also bet on everything — football games, the outcome of a show we're watching, anything. We bet for, well, favors! And every once in a while, I light candles in the bedroom before we go to bed."
— Nicole, New Jersey
"We send short, sweet text messages to each other's cell phones. We compliment each other. We meet for lunch dates. We often let household chores go undone and try not to worry about it. We don't expect too much of each other and try not to get disappointed with one another. We've learned that these things are vital to keeping the marriage alive, not just the romance."
— Pamela Work, mother of Tiffany, 8, and Cecily, 2, Dallas, Texas
"If my husband is on the computer, I go over and rub his back to let him know that I'm thinking of him. And if I'm doing the dishes, he'll come over and pat my bottom. With a 2-year-old in the house, sex isn't as plentiful as it used to be. But with all that playing around, it doesn't take long to get in the mood."
— Nikki, Virginia Shower power
"Our favorite thing to do is shower together. It's something we have to do anyway, so we do it together. Once our daughter's down for the night, we both hop into a steamy shower and talk about whatever's on our minds. Our troubles and fears go 'down the drain,' and it lets us slow down, relax, and enjoy each other."
— Kara, Maryland
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
I have read that
I have read that "scheduling" time together as a couple is not a good idea. It feels forced (probably because it is!) and unnatural. And, it probably won't last. We all tend to revert back to comfortable patterns, and doing something scheduled often feels like just another task to check off the list--which none of us need. I think the trick is for your own natural, comfortable pattern to feel more enjoyable, rewarding and fun to you.
It sounds like you have certain feelings left over from the other areas of your life that are making their way into your family life--it sounds like you feel very serious, worn-out and as though you're on a treadmill, which is not making the most of your time with your hubby or your life in general. Rather than try to force one more "task" into the already jam-packed schedule, maybe you could do one of these two things:
1) Take a good long look at your whole life--your job, the non-family demands on your time, your health & fitness, your social life, your extended-family obligations. Maybe it's time for a re-allotment of time/commitment. Maybe you need to back out of certain things that are not rewarding to you or are sucking the life out of you. Maybe it's time to find another job. I know people get entrenched with their company/job and what they're doing right now, but if the job is making you feel awful, it can't be that great! Can you handle making less money? If so, it could make sense to enter a different industry or do something part-time. Are you making any time for other aspects of your wellbeing, like fitness, a social life, church, anything? A lot of joy comes from those activities for some people, but if they're missing from your life, you're losing out on that.
2) Try an attitude adjustment. This is a Dr. Phil-ism--he suggests bahaving the way you want to feel, rather than behaving in a way that is in response to how you feel. So get up and just decide you are going to behave in a way that is positive, energetic, happy and creative that day. No matter what, you're going to look on the bright side, be the kind of person you'd want to have lunch with. What Dr. Phil says is that over time, you actually do start to feel the way you're behaving. It's a misconception that the feelings come before the behavior.
I have recently done both of these things, and it has worked well for me in getting my life back into balance. A year ago, I would have described myself and my general feelings much like you did. I needed to leave my job because of what it was doing to me physically and emotionally--thankfully, I realized this and was able to begin looking for another opportunity that was a better fit, and I finally found it. I worried that my kids were starting to get the impression that work is awful, stressful, demanding and unmanageable, and that's not how I want them to see the concept of having a career. I also worried they might start to feel like I am always barely hanging on, frazzled and frantic, and again, that's not good for them. I want them to see me handling things with a sunny attitude, making the best of situations, choosing to see the good in people and things. How else will they learn those traits if I don't show them? I might have been telling them those things, but because of my job and the effect it had on me, I wasn't demonstrating it with my own example.
So with my new job, I also decided I needed to get my health and fitness back on track. I started working out five days a week, and it is AMAZING what this does to your attitude. Suddenly I have lots of energy, and things that would normally be such a burden are easy to do now. I feel more uplifted all the time than I did before, and everyone around me benefits. That old saying "If mom's not happy, no one's happy" has proven to be true. My hubby and I are closer, we laugh more, there is room in my mind and heart for playfulness and joy, and we've not really changed our schedule or the way we spend time together. It's just more pleasant and light now. My active choice to behave as a happy, positive person, and my decision to change jobs, have made a big difference for me, so I thought maybe they would for you too.
I wish you luck, truly! These are not easy things to do, but I think you would see your whole spirit, marriage and attitude change if you can start to think about making these changes.
Find another couple and
Find another couple and trade babysitting nights....that way you two can find a little adult time alone. Or maybe just send the kids to a friends house so you can talk about music, books, whatever, alone over some wine.