Strip Clubs

Not that I'm an expert on these places, because I'm not .. so I want to get that out in the open and cleared up first :-) but in any strip club there isn't "suppose" to be any touching and I use the word suppose loosely, because you just never know what can and will go on in these places. I've heard that there area some pretty sleezy ones in Phoenix ... and then there are more upper class ones ... personally I think they're all sleezy .. so I don't give one any higher rating than another. Anyway ... I think the private room thing is more of a one on one show and probably is set up privately to make more money for the women .... I belive they pay more money to go into these rooms and the women give them more time than if they were just giving them a $20 lap dance ... I've been in them way back when ... when I was sewing my wild oats so to speak and they are disgusting ... the girls get as close as they possibly can ... but nothing below the navel is exposed (at least in the ones I've been in).... they do wear skimpy little undwear ... if you want to call them that ... but the crotch area is usually not exposed .... breasts yes ... but the rest usually not and not suppose to be ....

Private rooms are just private dances. The guys still cannot touch the women. The women are able to "dance" for the guys which includes bodily contact. I don't think you have anything to be concerned about...get some girlfriends together and go in one...its really no big deal. My only concern has ever been is the amount of money that is being spent....but I am not a jealous person and feel good about myself image...so strippers don't bother me. Don't feel betrayed...talk to him about it..its a fantasy world escape....maybe you should go together...get a lap dance yourself..you just might like it..or it heats things up enough that you change your name to luvmy3kidz:)

I went through this same concern years back with my ex. He was a huge fan of Strip Clubs and went often. I found the best way to ease my mind was to go along with him to see what they were all about. He never even argured the fact. We went and he gave me well more than I wanted. He bought a lap dance for me so I could see what went on so that my concerns would be eased. Also he paid for a private dance where the two of went in together. After that expierence I never had a concern in the world. U cannot touch the dancer's !!! From there we had an agreement if he wanted to go I just wanted to know that he was going.

Private Rooms are areas sectioned off from the main floor where the girls charge more money for the same dances they give in the regular area. It's still a group area not and individual room like it sounds in the clubs I've been too. Men are not allowed to touch and will be kicked out if they do (and sometimes their butts kicked if bouncers feel it's justified). You don't have anything to worry, unless you really don't have the money for it. The girls are there to get money from the men not looking for romance or sex.

I dont think you have much to worry about as far as touching and things. But does he go without you knowing? I dont mind my husband going once in a while but they do cost a lot of money between cover, drinks and tipping. I always know if he is going and sometimes I go if a group of friends are going. I think you would be surprised what you see. There are a lot of make-up and lights and far from perfect girls. But talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. If he is sneeking around then maybe he is hiding something

If my husband went to one of these I would feel kind of sad. What can he get from these chicks that I can't provide for him, and I'm free. At the same time I know that there is no touching at these places. I think the worst part about it is not being told that he's going, and if like my family he is spending money when it could have gone to something more important I would be pretty ticked off about it. That's just me though.

Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette

I think you have every right to feel betrayed. I know I would. The fact is you're married and your husband is hurting you by doing this. And it is hurtful! He is looking at other women in a sexual way - that's what hurts. Years ago my husband got on a few websites and I felt like he had "gone out" on me. It hurt me so much it almost destroyed our marriage. You could try talking to your husband about the way you feel or a professional if that's not possible. I'm sure a Doctor would tell you that you are VERY normal for the way you feel.

Paz

I may sound too conservative but dear mother of god, I honestly there is something wrong with married men going to strip clubs and wives allowing it. I honestly do. This is no difference than looking at porno in the computer or TV. They are technically cheating and wives are allowing it without realizing that? If a married man likes going to see strippers, they are not respecting their wife at all. I don't care that they don't touch. What is the point for them to go in the first place????

At the same time, when male strippers strips, I find it ridiculous. I mean they are obnoxious and women, oh god, they are worse than men anyways.

Almost every single relationship (married, engaged, etc) I have known, including my very own in the last relationship before this one, failed in the long run when one is doing something like this...It is not a sign of a healthy relationship at all for one to go to places or do things like that.

Really - there's a whole alot more to life than freakin' going / doings things like this....Our society is so saturated in sex that it is beyond out of control...

H~
Mom of 2 Daughters - Kelly (3 yrs) and Skylar (21 mos old)
zoostationu2@hotmail.com

Thank you for all of your responses!

Mother of 2 beautiful children
Kaley 2 1/2
Christian 1

wow, I was just reading all the comments posted here and there are a lot of contrasting opinions. I personally feel that this is a topic that you must find an answer to yourself. No one else's opinion will help you. This is something that you have to be comfortable with. There is only one way to make a good decision and that is to make an informed one. I say that you get a friend or two together and go into a strip club and see what it's all about. I think that you will find that it is nowhere near what you think it is. I personally worked in 2 different strip clubs for a period that totalled 5 years. I never danced I only served drinks, but, I met and know a ton of different dancers. They have just as much diversity as the rest of society so you really can't stereotype them as a whole. For me personally the strip club was a positive influience in my life simply because I made excellent money and was able to work at night and I put myself through college while working there. I can now call myself a college graduate thanks to that industry. I feel that if it is used as entertainment only the strip club can be a fun night out on the town....however, there are always the few wierdos who have to obsess over things and allow them to become unhealthy. As long as your husband doesn't fall into that category I wouldn't worry about it. If you guys are happy and he allows you to go out on the town with the girls too then I think that you should be happy to give each other your nights out with your friends then you will be happier to spend time together and you will realize that you can have more openness in your marriage if niether of you have the need to hide things! :)

I don't like strip clubs because women shouldn't have to be half naked (4/5ths naked) and shakin' themselves in people's faces (men and women) to earn a living. People should be able to be more than body parts and I think it is a sad part of society when people are reduced to finding their livelihood by exposing body parts and exploiting themselves and others. And per some of the posters that is what happens, whether they choose to call it that or not - it is just dancing, just boobs, just a job...

Also, many of the women who are "dancing" are actually taking food money out of the pockets of other women, as their husbands give it away, it is a sad business.

Have a heart to heart with your husband. Sounds like there is no touching but that doesn't mean you don't have reason to be concerned necessarily. Good luck!!

P.S. The high heel comment made me smile, for reasons that I will not divulge.

Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.

Early in our relationship (before we were married) my husband went to strip clubs a few times with his buddies. Was I overjoyed at the fact? Not really. But he always asked before he went, and he would've abstained from going had I asked. I would've had a huge problem with it had it been something he was hiding from me or lying to me about. The only rule I ever had was "Don't think you're going to get turned on by a stripper and then come expecting lovin' from me!". But you know what, he DID come home to me. He may have enjoyed a bit of eye candy, but he loves me, and wasn't going home with someone else.

I think it's all about your comfort level. If you strongly disapprove, then your husband needs to respect that. I personally don't see this (or porn) in and of itself as disrespectful; only if it's something being hidden from you. Despite what some posters have stated, I DO believe men are very visual, and honestly, you might be surprised at how partaking in some of these activities with your husband can effect you, as well.

As far as turning the tables on him and asking him how he'd feel if YOU went to a strip club, there's no harm in trying, but prepared, as you may be disappointed his his response. I tried that on my husband (again, very early on in our dating), and he had zero problems with it. He's not at all a jealous person, and trusts me, so truly didn't see a problem with it.

Jennifer, mom to one special little boy

ive been meaning to go into one of these but have yet to do so. I did try and find one where male dancers were attending because my best friend is getting married. I didnt find any so it was just us girls being dumb all night. Its good to get some of this feedback, I will have to check it out for myself though.

discussion leader, mom of an 11 year old girl. At this time, she is trying to make it work between raising her and having a full time job!

You shouldn't be concerned. My husband goes yearly with his college friends. As long as he is honest with where he is going and he is happy at home, I wouldn't be concerned.

soccermom of a 12 yr old boy and 15 yr old young lady

Yeah...I know some wives have no problem with their husbands going to strip clubs, but I definitely do! I have been to strip clubs several times in the past when I was a single girl. I really don't get the appeal personally, but then again, I'm not a guy. Luckily, my husband doesn't see the point in strip clubs & therefore never goes. If he went for a bachelor party it wouldn't really bother me that much, but if he just went there one night randomly with his buddies, I would kill him! I think it's completely disrespectful to have a wife/GF/SO at home & then go watch another woman take all her clothes off. I think that's pretty much a no-brainer...would he want you doing that with another man? Your husband should respect your feelings on something like this. If you don't like it and he does it anyway, that would be a problem for me. I don't think it's an unreasonable request that he not go look at other naked (or nearly naked) women out of respect for you.