Ok, so I just got a phone call from a friend who was pretty upset. She said that she caught her husband looking at porn on the computer. Now, it wasn't anything other than your garden variety stuff, but she was feeling very disrespected by this behavior. What do you think? Is this cheating or not?
It's not cheating in my
It's not cheating in my opinion. There are a lot of studies that show that men are visually oriented. I find that to be true. It reminds me of a time I asked friends what was their favorite part of Christmas and the women all said things like "seeing friends" but the man in the group said "the lights," which seemed crazy to me, but then again, it goes to show how visual they can be.
I think it would be fair for her to share her feelings about it with her husband. I too would feel hurt and confused, but as far as this being a cheating issue, my opinion is that he had no intention of it in that way.
I don't think it's cheating,
I don't think it's cheating, but if he is doing this, what stops him from looking elsewhere. I do think any man that does this is a pervert, and if she looks into what he is looking at he is probably going into sights that claim "teens" are what he is looking at. My opinion is any porn is perverted. The red flags are up and now she can't ignore it or say she didn't know.. Counseling or something needs to be done..
" just my Opinion"
I don't think it is cheating
I don't think it is cheating either. And I certainly don't think it makes him a pervert.
I do agree men are visual.However , with saying that, I feel being " visual " is no excuse if this is behavior he is practicing a lot.
I agree she needs to talk to her husband and clear up any issues that may be going on.
If your friend feels like lately they haven't had much time for one another, not just sexually but in general. I wouldn't make a big stink over it.
It is a known fact that men masturbate.Us ladies/wives just don't know when........
I will say though if this is somehting she feels needs to be address.....then I would share sooner then later.
ok, so my first thought was
ok, so my first thought was oh geez...i hope his virus protection software is current on his computer. I am not at all trying to be funny. These sites are notorious for viruses and spyware. Ask any IT person.
I agree that men are visual beings and i don't see this as cheating. Nor does this make him an evil or bad person. If this is something he would like to do, they should really discuss things. Although, maybe he was embarrassed to talk about it.
I am under the impression your friend feels more betrayed then disrespected by his actions. So, now he has been caught and hopefully this opens up the discussion they need to have. They both need to be open and honest regarding their feelings and hopefully talking about it will help work things out.
just~me
In my opinion that is really
In my opinion that is really not cheating, not even close. Men do that and ARE visual as others said. It shouldn't be harmful to your friend, but I guess she is taking it as an insult and if that's true then she should talk to her husband about it and tell him how she feels.
Also (in my opinion) I don't believe that because he is looking at porn he is going to look elsewhere. That's pushing it a little. Some wives are a little too controlling (not saying your friend is) but still your spouse has to have a little room to breath. Men tend to leave when they feel their spouse is too controlling, or instead of leaving they sneak around your back and actually cheat!
You always have to have TRUST in your relationships and confidence in yourself and again your relationship otherwise your relationship might suffer because of it. And all men look at porn! Don't you know they would actually enjoy it if you looked at it with them?! Spice somethings up!
In My Opinion.
Totally agree.. She should
Totally agree.. She should spice stuff up.. I don't think he's a perv or bad I think maybe he was bored. She should talk to him, find out if it's a turn on for him and who knows maybe they can enjoy it together.
I actually a few yrs ago, I think I was pg and I found some porn site on my husbands drop down on our aol, I didn't care, I asked him about it but it was more in a playful way like "uha, caught you".. I think he was embarrassed. I'm sure he just wanted to see a hot body that wasn't pg.....lol... I don't think he is a perv by any means.. For his 30th bday a group of us took him to babes and while there one of his friends asked if he could buy my husband a lap dance, I was like go for it, I would love to see this (knowing that it would embarrass the heck out of him). It did and it was sooo funny. He turned bright red and he couldn't even pay attention to the lap dance. It was hysterical. I'm secure in my relationship and I know my husband. He is such the boy next door that he could never be considered a perv.. I still tease him about that lap dance...Oh, and I tried once to give him a lap dance and I knocked his head with mine so hard that we both had HUGE goose eggs knots on our heads for days.. You'd think that with all my ballet and dance training I could handle a silly impromptu lap dance... No such luck, He has banned me from ever trying that again! Oh well, I tried!.. Tell her she has to keep things fun!
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children, Joshua 12, Brooke 2 and Mason 10 months
If husbands didn't look at
If husbands didn't look at porn, then Playboy and Hustler would go broke. Most guys, however, would be horrified if their wives behaved like a porn star. I've asked a lot of guy friends why they want to look at that garbage, and I've yet to hear that they are gathering ideas for their next romantic encounter.
If your friend caught her husband engaging, one on one, with another person online, and he was (ahem) physically engaged in the conversation, then that would be cheating. Checking out GirlsGirlsGirls.com isn't cheating. It's grounds for dismissal if he's doing it on a computer or an internet connection provided by his employer. It's a sign of immaturity.
In my opinion, your friend should tell her husband that, if he continues to turn the family computer into a porn respository, she will forward the cookies to his mother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, etc.
I think it definitely rasies
I think it definitely rasies some concerns. Our society has become so accustomed to seeing this everywhere, that we have come to believe it doesn't harm anyone. Well, your friend for one is obviously feeling harmed. Also, it is proven that pornography doesn't satisfy. It can lead to a person looking at more and more to be stimulated, and it can also lead to unrealistic expectations in the bedroom. For instance, a husband may start to think his wife has something wrong with her because she's not always begging for sex like they do in the pornos. Of course, each situation is different, but I don't blame your friend for being upset.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son.
I agree.. I don't blame her
I agree.. I don't blame her for being upset b/c her feelings were obviously hurt so she needs to talk to him to explain why she is feeling this way...
BTW, is girlsgirlsgirls.com a real site..lol..
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children, Joshua 12, Brooke 2 and Mason 10 months
Yup, Diva, it is. I've
Yup, Diva, it is.
I've worked in IT for long enough to know how often corporate users use bad judgement. I'm pretty sure I've seen it all. We used to have a good time messing with people who were abusing their internet and/or phone privileges.
Of course, there are naive people like me who are looking for places to shop for leather jackets on Long Island and who search on +leather +new york +apparel. I don't recommend repeating that search if there are children in the room.
I don't get why guys are interested in porn, but, if the times I've had to ding men for downloading it to company pcs is any measure, they don't seem to think it's that big a deal. Many of them, even in this day and age, are startled to hear that they could lose their jobs over it.
Moms, I can't believe it!
Moms, I can't believe it! Men are visual??? What about girls? I used to watch porn all the time myself. Now after the baby is born and my sex drive is down to zero I still might take a pick once in a while. And no, it is not related to cheating in any way.