Did you keep your maiden name?

I kept my maiden name. And sometimes I do think I should have changed it to match my husband just because there seems to be a little bit of discrimination, or at least some kind of judgement by others.

I kept it partly for professional reasons and partly because I'm proud of my heritage. That would have been lost in accepting my husband's English last name. I also didn't want to deal with all the paperwork involved.

Interestingly, though, many of my friends began addressing their letters to me with my husband's last name. It is easier to spell, but when I'd see them in person I'd mention that I didn't change my last name. They seemed surprised. And they'd still address me by my married name. I learned not to take offense.

I do go by his last name when it comes to school events/teacher meetings/classroom volunteer days. It makes it easier on the teacher and kids, who seem to stumble over the pronouncement of my last name.

As for documentation by employers...interestingly we are going through the same thing here. I'm a little offended by it, but I understand everyone has to go through the same process. I know it's to ensure benefit fraud isn't committed. Frankly, I think someone that commits the fraud probably has some fraudulent documents that support their lie. And unless those papers are verified with the public source, it won't be caught.

A side note: What I don't like is the collection of all these private documents - even if they are just copies. With so many letters from companies about how your information is kept safe - be it a credit card number or your social security number - but somehow it was compromised, I'm worried about these copies being compromised, too.

Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.

I had the same last name as my ex and I had to submit a certifed marriage certificate a few times for auto and health insurance. I guess the difference is it was always requested by the insurance company i.e. United Healthcare vs my employer. As far as proving maternity your childrens' birth certificate has only your maiden name on it not your married name. I guess the way I look at it is not as discrimination as far as companies and employers go but a way to protect over identity thefts or providing benefits to those not legally entitled to them like a live in boyfriend/girlfriend. However if you feel you are truly being discriminated against you need to contact HR, that shouldn't be tolerated and if it's your peers who you feel are skeptical towards you, you shouldn't associate yourself with them.

Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.

I kept mine...

Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children, Joshua 12, Brooke 2 and Mason 10 months

I dropped my given middle name and took my maiden name as my middle name and my husband's name as my last name. I did not hyphenate and would correct people when they did it "for me."

I still had to change everything, including my social security card, so I know how much trouble is was in the beginning!

I found international travel difficult in the beginning as it was right after the trauma of 9-11 and your ID had to match your ticket reservation. Unfortunately, all 3 names were 21 letters plus the spaces in between, so I frequently had to travel with my birth certificate & my photo id.

As a former HR administrator, I know first hand that your employer is required to adhere to the policies & expectations of the benefit providers under contract. So truly, it is the benefit providers with whom you have issue - not your employer. They are only asking for what is required by a 3rd party.

I, too, have had the unfortunate experience of proving my marriage as valid because of the name difference - not only created by keeping my maiden name but converting it to be my middle name. Something I did that made things easier was to create a "letter of identity" (and I titled it as such) in which I stated all of the AKAs I had, had the letter notarized, and carried it with me at all times. I was truly surprised how much easier it made things for me and it seemed to erase most of the doubt I had previously faced.

Keeping your maiden name is a very personal choice and one that should be respected. Because the world is not full of honest, truth-bearing, wonderful women such as we, be prepared to provide the artillery to back up your decision.

BTW, I kept my maiden name because my father, who was an only child, never had any sons. Although it only represents 1/2 of the my heritage, I found it a lovely tribute to the first man in my life ;-)

Good luck!

Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community volunteer, and aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.

I took my husband's last name - never considered keeping mine. Perhaps I'm just very traditional. Both my maiden and now my married name are very "easy" to say, spell, pronouce, etc. so it wasn't like I was trying to loose the Humpledinkerman name or something!

But I am somewhat stymied on how to address packages, Christmas cards, etc. when sent to the whole family. Typically, I don't use any first names and just address things to
"The Smith Family"
"The Miller Family"
"The Taylor Family"

so when I get to my sister-in-law and about 2 other friends, I feel disrespectful just saying "The Miller Family" knowing she is not a "Miller" (both of their kids have the husband/father's last name). But I also feel even worse saying
"The Miller Family and Rebecca" - which sounds like she is not a part of the Family unit but some extra person.

I still haven't figured out how to refer to their "family unit."
BTW - my husband is the one who tells me to just go ahead and address it to "the Miller family" even though it is his sister who didn't change her name!

Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 4 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.

Arizona is rife with Neanderthals. However, that doesn't make what they're doing legal. If you can show that a woman who shares a last name with her husband and child was not required to submit documents, but you were, that's wrong.

No more missed business opportunities! Before I got married, I sold radio for over 12 years in this market. Half of my clients were at my wedding. When I returned from my honeymoon, I had started at a new station when one of my clients called in for me and used my "new" married name...the receptionist didn't know me by my married name and told my client that there was no body at this station with that name..My client then asked for me by my maiden name and the receptionist sent her right through to me. At that point, I told my manager that I would like to redue my business cards and hyphenate my name because I do not want to miss anymore business opportunities. I was thankful that my client asked again using my maiden name. However all of my personal info is still in my maiden name. I never changed it. I don't understand why we have to go through losing our identity just because we get married. I worked hard in my business and at the end of the day, my name and reputation is the only thing I have to go by, so why should I give that up? My husband doesn't care either way..so I keep with the hypen and feel like I still have my own identity, which is important to me.

Lisa_SchneiderCipriano is a discussion leader in the North, North very tip of Phoenix for arizonamoms.com. She has 6 year old triplets.

I do think my husband had to show our marriage certificate to prove I was his legal wife and keep me on his policy. I don't know if everyone had to do it, or only those with wives who didn't change their names.

Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.

I changed my last name when I got married. I would have preferred to keep my maiden name since changing all your records/documents is kind of a pain but I knew when we had kids, I didn't want them asking why mommy and daddy don't have the same last name.

jesshod is an arizonamoms.com discussion leader living in Surprise.